Saturday, December 9, 2017

"What if something embarrassing happens during my massage?"

Originally published January 6, 2013, on a now defunct blog, this post was recently recovered and edited for clarity.

This tends to go hand-in-hand with the feeling of, “I can’t get a massage because I’m self-conscious.”

There are lots of things that could happen and be considered embarrassing during a massage:

  • Breaking wind.
  • Leaking breastmilk.
  • Getting an erection.
  • Draping snafus.
  • Needing to use the restroom.
  • Cell phones ringing.
  • Animals jumping on the table (usually in mobile massage, not at the office).
  • Etc., etc.

And if any of these things were to happen during a session… so what?

We’re all human, here. (Except for the animals.) Bodily functions keep on happening whether we want them to or not. Accidents happen. People forget to silence their cell phones — in which case I feel perfectly justified in dancing to their ringtones.

In my experience, I’ve seen more of my clients than I cared to (thus my steadfast draping rule) and I’ve become inexplicably ill while giving a session. And yet, life goes on.

I’m not going to judge you. Any therapist worth their salt won’t judge you, either.

  • If you loudly break wind, say, “Excuse me.”
  • Let your therapist know if you’re breastfeeding so that we can put an extra towel on the table.
  • Ignore erections.
  • Sometimes I mess up on my draping, and so I will do my best to apologize if the sheet slips. Please respect my need to use proper draping.
  • If you need to use the restroom, please say so. Going before the session is preferable because of the long, video-monitored walk to the restroom at my current office.
  • Remember to turn off or silence your phone prior to getting on the table. I will dance to your ringtone.
  • Keep pets and small children corralled during your session. They usually don’t bother me, but they can be difficult to work around.

I look forward to working with you!

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