For that one client who once wrote to me saying, "I'm not reading it all because I've heard it all. So when are you thinking about opening or not?"
I wax eloquently in the written word because it's the best way to convey my thoughts and feelings. I understand that it's not convenient, so here's the short version:
I am not considering reopening.
Thank you for your time and business. Please be well.
For those willing or interested to read the "Why" behind the above answer:
On March 15, 2020, I gave what would be the last massage session in my space in Buxton.
By January 2021, I was beginning to feel more confident about reopening my business. Research was continuing to grow and refine what we understood about the virus that triggered the pandemic. Precautions were being taken and supplies were being ordered.
And then---
My Body Gave Out
Through years of overuse and poor posture ("body mechanics!" I emphasize to my massage students), and a few unfortunate events, I had managed to develop a bulging disk in my neck that began pushing against the nerves that affect my left arm. I have been plagued with periods of numbness, tingling, and fiery, rolling contractions that have led to muscle weakness.
The next year, the bulging disk would slip to the right.
And then to the left again the following year.
Despite using conservative measures and going through two rounds of physical therapy, it is unlikely to get better. Surgery is a terrible, last-resort option that could invite even more pain and dysfunction. Bodies aren't machines -- they are weird, complex organisms that don't like to be tampered with.
Putting the physical concerns to the side, there has been a storm of emotions that has lingered since 2020.
Emotional Boundaries are Difficult
I once met a woman at my school's massage clinic who told me how she'd lost her massage therapist of ten years to cancer. "It was like losing a family member," she said. It was the main reason why she now seeks massage from our students: there is little chance for her to get attached when they graduate with such frequency.
It summed up one of my unspoken fears from the beginning of quarantine:
I had grown too attached to my clients.
I couldn't bear the thought of losing even one of them to this virus.
Rather than risk it, I used the arguably least mature coping mechanism available:
I pushed them away, first.
Not Another Ukulele-style Apology
I apologize for ghosting you all, for not responding to your emails or your phone calls.
I had every intention of offering solutions and of staying in touch with my graduates so that I could refer you to them, instead.
That didn't happen, either, because I quickly found that keeping a database of information up-to-date is like herding cats.
Rather than continue to make empty promises and put forth half-efforts that my worn-out body and mind cannot reliably commit to:
I am saying goodbye... for now.
When I come back, I cannot promise I'll be the same practitioner you once knew. I'm one of those people who was told to give 100% and took it to the extreme. That's not sustainable or reasonable, even if I was still young and able-bodied.
My massage style will have to change -- I was never interested in giving the deep pressure that clients were convinced they needed in order to feel better. Instead, I want to give the kind of services that I want to receive in the world: something slower, gentler, that soothes the nervous system while still being therapeutic and effective.
My prices definitely won't be the same as they used to be, even as much as I want to support my clients who need affordable care.
These likely aren't the answers you want to hear (or read). As a recovering people-pleaser who is learning to assert boundaries, we are both going to have to be okay with that.
Refunds & Referrals
If you are in possession of a gift certificate with stored monetary value (or if you're that one client who gave me a specific kind of Arnica gel years ago that I really want to pay you back for), please get in touch with me directly. (Oh, yeah, and remove the "NOSPAM" in the email address.)
If you're looking for massage therapy or other services in your area, Google is the best, quickest option. You can attempt to request a referral for a specific area, but I cannot guarantee a speedy reply.
Are you relatively healthy and able-bodied? (That is, no cancer treatments or wild and weird medical histories or devices?) You might be a candidate for the student massage clinic at SpaTech Institute in Westbrook. Call (207) 591-4141 for availability and pricing.
Thank you for your time and business. Please be well.